


In another life

by Louisgirl_456



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:09:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29608536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louisgirl_456/pseuds/Louisgirl_456
Summary: What difference would it have made to Harry's life if Lily and James had survived? What differences would it have made to all of the Harry potter characters? In this tale retold I explore how the whole Harry potter story could have been changed had Lily and James potter survived that fateful Halloween night in Godrics Hollow in 1981...Disclaimer: All characters are copyright of JK Rowling.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- what if they lived?  
That fateful night at Godrics hollow no one would have expected to outcome of the story to be in favour of two 21 year olds and a 1 year old baby considering they were against one of the biggest evils the wizarding world and the muggle world had faced for decades. Lily and James potter managed to survive Voldemort’s wrath that night against all odds and escape to safety before they could be another set of victims on his ever-growing list.   
“Lily take Harry and go to Sirius he will keep you safe, GO!” James begged her.   
“James, I’m not going to leave this house without you so either you come with me or I don’t leave at all, got it?”  
“Lily are you really arguing with me about this? You and Harry need to get to safety!” he exclaimed. “You would put your life and Harry’s life to chance like this?”  
“How dare you! How can you possibly think like that? I’m staying here because I love you and I won’t let you do this, you don’t get to face this alone James!” and with a finality to her voice she grabbed his arm and their wands and apparated to the only place they knew they would be safe.  
They landed outside of Sirius’ flat and Harry began to cry. It wasn’t a good idea to apprarate with a baby so young, but Lily knew in her heart she had made the right choice. James was angry with Lily she could tell but he didn’t have the right to be, she had just saved all three of their lives.   
“James? James!” Sirius cried into James’ shoulder. “Your safe thank Merlin” and Sirius pulled Lily and Harry into the hug. After that he rushed them all three inside. Remus was there too probably wondering what all the commotion was about. He didn’t look as pleased to see the Potters as Sirius had been.  
“Why are you here?” Remus asked “Your supposed to be hiding! What are you doing here?!” He began to shout and ramble on about how dangerous it was.   
“Moony please hear me out!” Lily said sternly interrupting him mid speech. He sighed and she took that as him letting her explain. “He was at the house … V-Voldemort- he who shall not be named, and he was going to kill us he knew we were there, so I did what I had to do. I saved our lives although James doesn’t seem all that grateful considering!” She gave a death stare to James and he looked at his feet. “You should’ve left me and took Harry. You risked his life too.” He said bluntly “I’m going to wash up.” And he walked away towards the bathroom.   
“Lily …” Remus began but lily stopped him. “I’m going to go set up the spare room so Harry can have some sleep, I have a feeling tomorrow will be a very big day for us all.” She made for the spare bedroom with harry sleeping in her arms. Sirius grabbed her arm “I’m glad you all got out of there safe Red.” He attempted a smile. “Thanks Sirius” and she pecked him on the cheek before continuing across the living room.

The next day  
Lily woke up not sure what was real and what wasn’t. She’d had a long night of unsettled sleep involving nightmares of what would have happened if she would have left James there to fend for himself against one of the darkest wizards in all of history. She rolled over to Baby Harry’s smiling face and she found herself smiling back despite the night’s events. He was the reason she was going to get up out of bed and continue with her life as normal so that one day he too might live a semi-normal life.  
Then she realised that James had not come to bed…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:  
When Lily got up to look for James, after she had tended to Harry of course, she was stopped at the door by Remus who looked worried, more worried than Lily had ever seen him and that was peculiar considering he was a werewolf.   
“Best not to Lil” he said softly “Padfoot and Prongs are having a very ‘important’ chat and I’m guessing it’s about you” Lily sat back on the double bed and Remus joined her. She had to ask the question she had been avoiding since last night because without the answer everything was going to be up in the air.  
“Does he hate me Moony?” she asked with tears ready to fall from her unusually scared eyes. “Of course not!” he shouted as soon as she finished her question, “He could never hate you even if he tried you know that as well as I do, he’s just had a shock and a scare at the possibility that he wouldn’t be able to protect you and Harry that’s all. Don’t go to that place because once you do you can’t get back out of it” Unexpectedly he finished his mini speech by hugging her and that was enough for Lily. Remus Lupin had the best hugs known to this earth and if anything could comfort Lily at a time like this it was a hug from Moony.   
“Thanks, Moony” she said squeezing his hand gently.   
Lily saw Remus ready to ask a question and he was almost there when suddenly Sirius burst into the room with a look of panic painted on his face. “It-its Prongs he’s gone mental I don’t know what t-to do” Lily jumped up ready to sort things out when once again Remus stopped her. “I’ll speak to him Lil don’t worry” as he left the room Lily couldn’t help but notice the daggers that Remus was giving Sirius and the reply of apology on Sirius’ face.  
Sirius sat for a good 5 minutes before he spoke and that’s how Lily knew something was wrong because if she’d learnt one thing about Sirius Black it was that he was never quiet unless he really didn’t know what to say.   
“Lil, you’ve got to understand that he isn’t in his right mind at all and if he was, he wouldn’t be acting this way. Last night he told me that he couldn’t imagine what his life would be without you and Harry and that’s why he’s angry not because of you but at the idea of not being able to protect the girl he’s loved since he was 11 and his son who he loves more deeply than anyone. Don’t stress Lil he’ll come around I’m sure of it.”   
Without realising, Lily had tears streaming down her face and was crying hysterically. She loved James potter with all of her heart and no one could change that but no matter how much Moony and Padfoot tried to tell her that he loved her back she had so much doubt in her mind she felt she might explode any minute.   
“Sirius, I’ve got to go out. I can’t stay in this room anymore I’m sorry. If James asks for me … I’ll be at Mary’s okay?” Sirius just nodded. He nodded because he knew there was no way of talking lily out of going and the only person to calm her down was too busy looking after her raving mad husband.  
Lily grabbed her wand and apparated from the very room she was standing in because she didn’t dare try to get past James in the state, he was in.   
Sirius knew James was going to hate him, but he couldn’t not let Lily go. As much as he loved James like brothers should, he had also grown fond of Lily and she was as important to him as James was. Sirius walked down the short hall to the living room and sighed. This wasn’t going to be good.   
He entered to a room of utter chaos that reflected James’ emotional state to perfection. Fear.  
In the furthest corner of the room Sirius could see Remus kneeling on the floor to match the poor boys height. James was in no state to talk but to listen was another story and a risk Sirius would have to take. He knelt in front of his brother and he looked up in confusion the question he wanted the answer to in his eyes. “Where is she?” and all Sirius could do was shake his head. “She needed her best friend.”   
In James’ eyes Sirius saw the presumption that she didn’t love him anymore and she’d gone for good. Sirius sighed and tried his best attempt at a smile. “She’ll be back mate, just wants you to be alright first yeah?” James nodded with more tears ready to fall and in the saddest voice Sirius would ever hear from James potter he said “I-I didn’t mean to … to hu-hurt her. She knows, that right?” before Sirius could speak it was Remus who broke the silence   
“Of course, she does you nutter” and the three boys hugged on that floor for what felt like forever.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
“Oh, I just don’t know what to do Mary!” Lily groaned antagonised. “I just did what I thought was best you know that, right?” Mary looked at Lily with annoyance. How could her best friend not see that she was in the right and James was totally blowing this out of proportion.  
“Lily, I’m only going to say this once. James was in the wrong not you, he shouldn’t have told you to go with Harry when you could all easily apprarate and make sure all three of you are safe. He wanted to make sur you were protected, and I understand that but that doesn’t give him the right to risk his own life when he has the option of safety. Don’t stress Lil he’ll work it out I promise.”  
Mary had been Lily’s best friend since they were at Hogwarts together and the two of them were inseparable for the duration. Of course they used to come as a trio but since Marlene’s passing it was better not to think about her all it did was remind Lily and Mary of how certain Marlene had been that they would win the war the last time they saw her. Marlene had so much confidence and an untold happiness in life that other people could only wish for. Everyone missed Marlene’s presence even the Marauders who had only known her for a short amount of time.  
It was no use to think of that now though as the past most certainly could not be changed no matter how much everyone wished it could.  
Lily and Mary were snapped out of their thoughts by the sound of someone apparating outside the window. They both looked at each other with the same fear in their eyes. You never knew who could be on the opposite side of the door these days.  
Mary stood up first and looked through the small peep hole on the door. She turned around relieved but still cautious. As the door swung open Lily was relieved to see Remus on the other side.  
“The questions Mary” Lily reminded her. “Of course. Erm what did I have in my hair the first time we met?” Remus smiled and replied “A red and yellow ribbon for the Gryffindor match” Mary nodded and hugged Him before letting him enter.  
“Cuppa Tea Lupin?” Mary asked. “No thanks Macdonald just collecting Lily” he replied with a grin.  
“Collecting me are we now?” Lily asked “Yep unfortunately Sirius asked me to bring you back to the house. I reckon James is ready to speak like an actual human being instead of a foghorn now,” he smirked. “Come on then we’d better go Moony, I don’t think I can take this suspense any longer”  
They got up after saying goodbye to Mary and the pair apparated back to the spare room in Sirius’ flat.  
“Moony is that you?” James shouted. “Yep just us Prongs” and in through the door burst Sirius and James. “Questions, erm Remus when did we have our first full moon together?” Remus smiled as he remembered this particular night “Third year at Hogwarts and we saw a unicorn in the forbidden forest” James nodded and turned to Lily “When was our first kiss” Lily gave him a funny look and replied “Sixth year on the stairs to the boys dormitories before anyone even knew I liked you because I was embarrassed” James smiled weakly and picked up an unsettled Harry.  
Sirius grabbed Harry almost instantly after he had settled in James’ arms. “Come on Moony I think they need some time alone” Sirius said very seriously. The two boys left, and Lily was alone with James for the first time since they had arrived.

“Right then.” Lily started but James interrupted, “Lily, please can I just start by saying how sorry I am and how stupid I was. I was wrong to be angry when all you did was protect me as I should have protected you, Merlin Lily I was just so scared of what was going to happen to us and if you’d be safe at all. I can’t live without you Lily and I couldn’t bare it if I was responsible for any harm coming to you and Harry, I just love you both so much you know?”  
Lily just smiled at James Fleamont Potter the boy who had chased her around the corridors of Hogwarts begging her to love him back at 11, pulled her hair with affection at 12, threw a dozen love letters at her when they were 13, defended her when she was called an unthinkable name at 14, snogged her face off at 15, made her feel like the only person he could ever love at 16 and the boy who asked her to move in with him when they were 17 before they left Hogwarts forever.  
“I do understand James, but don’t you see? I can’t live without you either you prat.” All whilst saying this she had gotten closer to James all the while becoming quieter until her voice was barely a whisper.  
“I love you Lily, always have done”  
“And I love you James, always will do”  
And with that they kissed, and all problems were a thing of the past because the love Lily and James Potter had for one another could fix anything even if no one realised it was broken.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
After they finished their conversation and a bit more snogging, they went down the small hallway to the living room with nothing but love and affection for one another. They walked into the most beautiful scene of Remus holding baby Harry on his knee and Sirius dancing around to Dancing queen on the record player to make Harry giggle and with success. Lily just looked at her friends and smiled, Harry was one lucky baby as long as they all had each other.  
James being James went over to Sirius and began to dance with him and all Lily could do was laugh. All she knew was that this was what family was about, the highs, the lows and everything in between, it was about just being together no matter what circumstances might occur. Lily had grown fond of the family they had created with the Marauders, Mary and of course Marlene would always be part of their family because Lily knew she was with them even if just in spirit. She just loved them all and nothing could change that, nothing that the world could throw their way would change that, ever.  
And then in thee midst of the fun a knock came at the door and the mood changed so quickly it was hard to notice there had ever been joy in this room at all. Even baby Harry looked worried. Sirius went to answer the door and came back followed by none other than Dumbledore.  
“Hello everyone, Lily, James could I have a word in private please.” He asked but everyone knew he wasn’t really asking but telling. “Anything you have to say to us you can say in front of Sirius and Remus, they’re not the enemy Professor,” James said with a sense of authority in his voice and Lily nodded in agreement.  
“Very well. I presume you know why I am here yes?” he started off. Everyone nodded because there were no misunderstandings to be had, the situation at hand was crystal clear. “Lily, James I have to tell you that your lives were in mortal danger last night and according to the prophecy you were supposed to die but Harry was supposed to survive, but you were aware of this yes?” Lily thought it almost sounded like he was disappointed, but she nodded and said, “Yes but I saved us, so no harm done.” Her eyes pierced into Dumbledore’s and he gave a small smile “Yes Lily you did.” He was silent.  
Lily was getting annoyed now, why was he being like this? Anyone would think he wanted them dead or something. “Is there a reason you came here other than to remind us of the evening’s events?” Lily asked in an unfamiliarly rude tone. Dumbledore looked sternly at her now and said “Of course, my apologies Mrs Potter. Since you did not perish the prophecy did not come true. This in consequence means that our one advantage over Voldemort has slipped away. I’m afraid I will have to ask you to go back into hiding as soon as possible.”  
The Marauders and Lily looked at the man in front of them as if he had 4 eyes bulging out of his head. “Sorry we didn’t die professor; we’ll do better next time I assure you!” Lily shouted at him and with that she grabbed baby Harry and made for the spare bedroom. “Mrs Potter I assure you that is not…” but Lily interrupted him “No I understand exactly what your saying Professor. We didn’t die last night but for your plan to work you were counting on it, well guess what? We didn’t die and I don’t plan on letting any of us die anytime soon so why don’t you just leave us out of your next plan because it’s clearly NOT up our street!” and she stormed off anger radiating all throughout her body and in her blood. She was outraged. How dare he come here and tell her that she had messed up his precious plan. What about her and James? Were they just pawns in his game? She didn’t know and at this point she quite frankly didn’t care at all. She entered the bedroom slamming the door behind her.  
She put Harry in his cot that Sirius had bought for when the Potters visited. She couldn’t stand still; she couldn’t sit still so she paced up and down the room. She refused to calm down because who was that old fool to tell her anything at all. She had always admired Dumbledore and how he had worked to make sure the order would win the war but now all she saw was a using, lying, promise breaking man who didn’t deserve their loyalty.  
Then it finally hit her, Holy shit I was supposed to die with the love of my life last night. I was supposed to orphan my own child. How could I have been so stupid. I was supposed to die. The words kept on replaying in her head and she sat down on the cold wooden floor.  
Breathe Lily, come on Lily breathe you stupid, stupid girl. But Lily was now hyperventilating in the floor to the sounds of Harry’s screams. She wanted to get up, but she couldn’t physically get herself up.  
The door burst open and instantly Sirius was knelt in front of her. “Red” the muffled voice said “Red, listen to me its Sirius. You’re at my flat, my flat you’re with me okay I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you. Lily breathe with me, come on. 1, 2, 1, 2. Your doing brilliantly Red just keep going okay? That’s it.” After few more minutes, Lily felt somewhat normal again. Sirius smiled at her and pulled her into a tight hug. “What you are doing, scaring us like that hm?” he pulled away and shook his head.  
“I’m sorry” she started but he stopped her almost straight away “Lily, you don’t have to apologise. This is a horrible world we live in and I’m sorry it had to be so cruel to you.”  
And she just burst into tears right there and then.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5   
A good half an hour passed before Lily or Sirius spoke again, by which time Dumbledore had been and gone and at some point, Mary had arrived to see Lily. Mary only came in the room briefly to grab Harry and check that the situation was under control which it was. Sirius knew all about trauma and how it could affect people differently, but that didn’t mean it made it an easier for Sirius to see a usually calm and happy Lily in the middle of a mental breakdown, because life had unfairly thrown the rotten hand to her. Sirius could only sit with her and try his best to reassure her that she was safe and that no one would ever hurt her as long as he lived.   
And he meant it, every word because as surely as James had become his brother, Lily had become his sister and he cared for her a great deal more than he cared to admit. Slowly, Sirius had made his own family and disregarded his blood relatives because he finally recognised that blood was not what made family strong but pure love and loyalty and that was exactly what he had found in every single one of his friends. All of them.  
Lily finally calmed down and decided she needed James, so Sirius went to get him. When James walked in Lily was even more upset. She could have lost him last night and that in itself was enough to send her spiralling again but before she could get that far, they heard a scream from the other room. They both immediately got up with wands in hand, ready to protect their son from any danger that might walk through the door.   
Remus burst in and flung himself in front of Lily and screamed at whoever he was running from, “No, you’re not going to take her anywhere, who the fuck do you think you are. Making demands in Sirius Blacks house? You must be crazy!” but the voice that responded was calm and calculated, a voice that Lily knew all too well.   
“Now, now Loony Lupin there’s no need to shout, is there? I’m here to talk that’s all” and in walked none other than Severus Snape. The boy who used to be Lily’s dearest friend and companion. But that was all before he called her an unforgivable word, made her feel like she meant nothing to him and branded her with the same brush as everyone else when she was the only one who had ever given him a chance.   
“Severus?” Lily questioned. “Lily, please just a minute of your time alone, I promise you its important. I wouldn’t have come otherwise you know that!” he said frantically. She debated the idea in her head and decided he wouldn’t lie to her no matter what bad blood was between them. He knew her better than to try that. He knew the Marauders better than to try anything.   
“Has anyone questioned him yet, Remus?” she asked. He shook his head and hung it low realising his error. “Severus, when did we first meet?” she asked calmer now. “Near your house in the fields, you made a daisy appear in your hand.” She nodded and turned to James, “I need to talk to Severus alone, could we please have a minute of privacy?” but he was speechlessly angry. Remus grabbed his arm and began to steer him out of the room obviously as shocked as James, but before they made it out of the door James turned round ,and looked Snape dead in the eye ,and said with venom in his eyes “You hurt even a hair on her head ,and you’re a dead man, got it ?” Snape nodded and James left with Remus still pulling him away from the room.   
The door finally closed, and Snape began “Lily, listen I-I just had to make sure you were safe after last night. The dark lord revealed what he had done all too late, but he also spoke of your escape. How you had disappeared before he could get into the house -” And Lily had heard enough. “Why are you here Snape? And how on earth did you find us this flat is unplottable!” she said in realisation. “I’m a part of the order now Lily I have been for 2 weeks but I had to be undetectable so Dumbledore told no one, and I’m here because I had to make sure you were okay because I was so scared when I found out Lily. I thought you might be dead, and I nearly fell apart,” he confessed in a whisper as if no one knew of his blatantly obvious feelings.   
Lily was annoyed now “So you broke your cover in the middle of a fucking war to make sure I was okay? You’re a fucking idiot!” she shoved him backwards “How could you do that? What if you were followed? What if you were seen? Did you think of that? No you were selfish and I know for a fact that Dumbledore would have told you I was okay so don’t lie to my face, got it?” she took a breath, “And for the record Severus, my wellbeing is none of your concern and if you DARE come near me or any of my family, that includes all of the marauders by the way, I will personally kill you myself, do we understand one another?” she said with anger coursing through her veins. “Yes, I’m sorry, truly. I’ll go,” he replied with tears in his eyes. “Goodbye Lily.” He just apparated away, obviously not wanting to face the others.   
“He’s gone you can come in now,” she called through the door. The door creaked open and Sirius, Remus, Mary and of course James were stood on the other side, but as they walked through the door… they realised Lily was no longer there…


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
Lily woke up in an unfamiliar room that smelled badly of damp. She couldn’t remember anything since Snape leaving, except, that familiar smell from behind and someone grabbing her roughly by the hips and apparating rapidly away from safety. She breathed in and it hurt, oh Merlin it hurt. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt somewhat calm and began to calculate a way to get out of the room.   
She heard shuffling. Shit. Best to play dead then to face whoever it was yet, and maybe this way she could figure out who her captures were. She closed her eyes and steadied her breathing so there was no suspicion of consciousness.   
“Well, is she awake?” a strange voice said. “No,” said the second “Probably thanks to the beating they gave her.” They must have been silent for at least five minutes before they spoke again. “Fuck she looks rough, doesn’t she?” The first man asked the second. “Yes, she does” the second replied sounding somewhat upset. “Look we can’t help her now. Its all up to The Dark Lord and him alone, helping her will only get yourself killed, don’t do it okay?” the first man said. “Okay I won’t,” the second replied emotionless.   
Lily had heard enough, even if only one of them could help her at least she would have help! She opened her eyes but before she could catch a glimpse of anyone, they had already locked the door again.   
So, she waited and waited and waited until the door swung open once more with no warning. “Lily, Lily wake up! For Merlin’s sake Evans get up!” the voice begged her. She opened her eyes slightly to see who could possibly be in front of her this frantic. She was still asleep, definitely a nightmare of some kind. She opened her eyes and uttered 2 words, “Fuck off” and went back to playing dead. “Lily come on please I need to get you out of here I promise you I only want to help!” the voice begged once again. “And I told you to fuck off Narcissa!” Lily whispered annoyed.   
“Lily please I’m begging you!” she tried again, “As soon as Lucius told me you were down here, I came right away. Please no one deserves to die here, least of all a mother and wife! Please Lily I can get you out just help me out here.” Lily laughed softly “how do I know this isn’t a test to see if I will try and escape. If I have any chance of living, I need to stay and we both know that.” Narcissa sighed and to Lily’s surprise sat in front of her, “Look mother to mother? I am doing everything I can to keep out of the war and save what little family I have left. I’m sure your attempting to do the same, yes?” Lily did not reply so she continued, “We shouldn’t be a part of this, we’re still young and don’t we deserve to be safe in all of this if nothing else?” and Lily sighed.  
“If this is a set up, I swear to fuck I will kill you to muggle way, got it?” and Narcissa breathed aa sigh of relief and nodded convincingly enough for Lily to stand up. “So how do we do it then?” Lily asked. “We need to get out of the mansion and ground first of all, there’s dark magic all over it. Then we can apprarate to wherever you think will be safest, and finally I apprarate away again, understand?” Narcissa said and Lily, although still confused, agreed, and decided to just follow the other witch’s lead.  
As they left the dark room, Lily recognised the man on the door as Lucius Malfoy, the slimy git hadn’t changed one bit, but Lily realised he must be helping so gave him a small smile and muttered a thank you. They climbed the stone staircase from what Lily realised must be a magic proof dungeon. “Just follow me and whatever you do, don’t be seen!” Narcissa whispered and with that she opened the door to a small corridor. She checked left and right before coming out into anyone’s eyesight.  
“Coast is clear, lets go,” she walked cautiously into the middle of the corridor. After a minute or two of walking down the never-ending corridor, she turned suddenly down another hallway and sighed, “so far so good.”


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
James just stood their stunned for a while not understanding exactly what had happened. She had just a second before called them into the room, but now the room was empty. What the hell was going on? Had she apparated away with Harry?  
“Mate,” Sirius began, “Over near the cot look” and sure enough there was a note where Harry had been stating only 4 words… they’re gone, it’s over.   
James just held the note in his hand and scrunched it up into a ball as hard as he could and just cried. He couldn’t stop once he had started. Only earlier they had confessed that one could not live without the other so how was he supposed to cope now? And Harry, his beautiful little bundle of joy whose smile could light up the darkest room, an innocent child.   
James was inconsolable throughout the whole night and the only thing to help him now would be if Lily came walking through the door, unharmed with their baby in her arms. He knew in his heart it was nearly impossible any of the two came out of this alive, but he had to keep that faith, or he might’ve died right there and then.  
They went 3 days without any sign of Lily or Harry turning up anywhere. They all waited for any news from Mad Eye or Dumbledore or McGonagall or anyone who could give them even a slight piece of information that could be useful in anyway.   
Tensions were high without Lily to diffuse them. Remus was getting agitated with Sirius, but Sirius had no clue why, Mary was getting annoyed with Remus for being annoyed and James was furious with all of them for bickering at all when his wife and child could be dead in a ditch somewhere.   
By the fourth day he told them as much. Remus has started an argument with Sirius over something petty and Mary was jumping in every so often to tell him how everyone needed to be sticking together but for James this was the last straw, “Can you all just be quiet for five fucking minutes? I can’t do this anymore. My wife and child could be dead right now as we speak and I’m no closer to finding out because all you lot seem to care about is arguing and pissing each other off. I’ve had it as far as I can take it now, so will you all just please, for the love of Merlin… Shut the FUCK up!” he finished with a face of thunder. They all looked downright shocked that James Potter, the happiest and usually considerate friend had actually just spoken to them like that.   
“James…” Sirius began but James had already started to march off to the spare bedroom in a huff absolutely exhausted with everyone when the sound of the fireplace made an extremely loud grumble and out came Lily potter clutching Harry in her arms looking completely broken like none of the others had ever seen her.  
“James” she cried.  
And she just collapsed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short chapter but the next one is quite a bit longer so hopefully that will make up for it :)


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
As Lily collapsed Sirius was already on one side grabbing Harry and Remus on the other helping Lily. They put her in the bed in the spare bedroom and Harry would not stop crying no matter how much James rocked him and shushed him. James was unfazed by Harry’s cries because nothing could take away the fact that he had his child safely back in his arms. Mary decided it was best she stayed with Lily to make sure she wasn’t injured and to make sure she was ready to talk to anyone.   
Remus shocked everyone by just sobbing uncontrollably into Sirius’ arms, inconsolable for the good part of an hour. James seemed to be coping well and Sirius decided he could probably do with some space, so he took Remus for a lie down in their bedroom.   
“I-I th-thought sh-she was g-gone!” Remus sobbed into Sirius’ neck. “I know, I know I thought so too, but thank Merlin she’s alive and by some miracle Harry is too,” Sirius responded calmly. Sirius really needed to calm Remus down because in this state he could turn quite violent, especially so soon after a full moon, and then he would drink his worries away and it wouldn’t end well at all. “Moony, its going to be okay, I promise you everyone is safe and nothing bad is going to happen now okay? Moony please, I need you to be okay alright, she’s going to need you,” Sirius knew this was low of him but there was no other way to calm him down, he was beyond his normal reasoning. “O-Okay,” he breathed no less than a whisper “for her,” and with that Remus turned to Sirius and kissed him which Sirius returned. “I love you, Padfoot” Remus stated, “And I love you, always and forever Moony” and he meant it, he couldn’t not mean it when it came to Remus Lupin because if there ever was another half to Sirius Black, the family reject, the black sheep and the outsider, it would be Remus Lupin the abandoned child and werewolf who had always been an outsider before Hogwarts.  
Mary had not left Lily’s side since she had arrived so abruptly in Sirius’ Living room and James decided that she was simply terrified of losing another of her best friends to this stupid war. “She of all people doesn’t deserve this,” she told James as he walked in with Harry who had finally settled after crying himself to sleep. “I know but since when has life ever been fair to any of us ey?” and she sighed whilst taking Harry from James’ arms. “It’s you she’ll want and we both know it,” Mary gave a small, forced smile, “I’ll be in the living room if either of you need anything okay?” James nodded and she went, slowly and quietly closing the door behind herself.  
As she entered the living room Sirius and Remus looked up expectedly at her but she shook her head, “Thought I’d give him some time with her after all he’s been through you know,” and they did know, all too well in fact.   
None of them spoke for quite a while and they all went through endless amounts of tea and biscuits as well as a bit of leftover pizza from the day before which James refused to even look at. He didn’t leave Lily’s side not for a toilet break, nothing. He was terrified that if he let go of her even for aa second, she might disappear again, and he wasn’t sure he could cope with that again. So, he sat, barely moving, and not once speaking. He was just silently willing her to wake up, begging her not to leave him again and sobbing to her that he wouldn’t ever let her leave his side again if she’d just wake up. “Don’t leave me” he whispered so that only she would hear it.   
But Lily Potter didn’t wake. Not when Mad eye came to check on them all, not when McGonagall came to see how James and Harry were doing, not when Dumbledore tried to make James go back into hiding immediately which James very quickly disagreed to and told Dumbledore that it wasn’t ever going to happen, and she didn’t even wake when Harry snuggled up on her chest repeating his first words of mama which James had somehow missed in the chaos of everything.   
But it was Mary who brought up the most interesting topic of all. Two days after Lily had come back to Sirius’ flat and still not woken up, Mary asked a question which caused all of the Marauders to do a double take, “Where’s Pete been in all this anyway?” she asked randomly. Sirius and Remus seemed completely dazed when he realised Peter Pettigrew hadn’t been there since before Halloween and no one had heard from him since then either. “Honestly, so much has been going on, but I thought he might have at least owled about Lily and James?” she further questioned. “It is strange I’ll give you that McDonald, but in all honesty, he’s probably been so caught up at work he hasn’t even noticed,” Sirius said but wondering himself. “I’m not being funny or anything but if I found out one of my best friends had nearly been killed by He who shall not be named himself I might be a little more curious about how my friends were doing?” she said rather ruder than she ever had before.  
James, who had been listening from the other room, shouted down the small hallway, “He hasn’t been home either, his mum sent an owl a day ago asking if anyone had seen him. Its not like him to cut off from everyone, somethings up,” to which Mary responded, “Exactly thank you!”  
Remus had said it as a joke, but later that joke would weigh heavily on other people’s judgement of his trustworthiness and loyalty to the Order, “OH come off it, its not exactly likely he’s gone and joined you know who is it?”


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
Peter Pettigrew.   
The boy who had been best friends with James Potter since they were babies.   
The boy who James taught to ride a children’s broom when they were 5.   
The boy who became a part of the marauders because James wouldn’t have it any other way.  
The boy who wasn’t the most popular but was cared for by his group of friends and that should have been enough.  
The boy who didn’t have the power he craved.  
The man who sold his lifelong best friend and his family to Voldemort.  
The man who didn’t deserve James Potters forgiveness.  
The man who Voldemort had killed after he failed him so gravely.  
The man who karma got in the end.   
Peter Pettigrew, the man who wanted glory and power so much he died for it.  
Peter fucking Pettigrew, the bastard.   
When James found out a week later that it was Peter who had betrayed them, he cried. He cried and wondered where it all went so wrong that Peter could do that to him. “I would’ve died James,” Sirius said “Died rather than betray my friends like that. My family like that.” James nodded because he knew that was the truth. He knew that Sirius would never go back to that life after everything he had been through. Remus was angry, so angry and despite his devastation, James appreciated someone being as angry as he was for once. “I’m glad he’s dead cause if I would’ve got to him first, he’d be dead. Stupid, fucking, lying bastard.” At some point he stormed out when Sirius tried to calm him down and then Sirius had gotten angry and stormed off to their bedroom.   
“James… do you remember what Remus said… when we talked about him… how did he know?” Mary asked. James sat bolt upright and stared her directly in the face, “Remus Lupin is not a spy. Not for them… and if you ever repeat that he could be to anyone then you won’t be welcome here with any of us again, understand?” and he got up to go check on Sirius. Who the fuck was Mary to tell him that Remus Lupin was a spy for Voldemort? She really needed to get her head screwed on because she was starting to sound crazy.  
Sirius was lay on the bed sobbing his heart out and James was in pure disbelief. “Sirius? What’s up mate?” and Sirius turned over to face James and he looked terrible. Worse than James had ever seen him, apart from when he turned up on the Potters doorstep in fifth year. That was the worse and best day of both their lives. “I know I wasn’t always fair to Pete and I-I just can’t help feeling responsible. I was aw-wful to him a lot of the time James. I just ke--keep thinking that maybe if I was even a bit nicer to him then may-maybe…” but James had heard enough, “Sirius this wasn’t your fault. Not even in the slightest. You didn’t make him do anything and your certainly not to blame for Pete’s choice you understand me? He made his choice and so did you when they tried to make you join him in fifth year. He betrayed us and he did that off his own back the selfish prick. You’re not to blame okay?” and James pulled him into a tight brotherly embrace and Sirius hugged him back just as tightly.   
They both held on for a while because this was who they were. They were brothers and no one could come between that, Not even a stupid prick like Peter Pettigrew, because they were family and just because one brother had gone astray, no way did that mean they all had to follow that road too.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
It was 2 weeks later when Lily finally woke up. She was in a huge amount of shock and James found it difficult to calm her down. “Lily your home now, your safe nothing is going to happen to you I promise. You can trust me,” and he repeated it over and over again because he had to make sure she heard him, that she understood where she was and who she was because only Merlin knows what curses they used on her in that place, wherever that place might have been.  
She didn’t speak properly for a few hours, but anyone could tell she’d been through hell just by how shook up she was. She wasn’t the Lily they all knew anymore, and James doubted that she would ever be that person again.  
“Narcissa” those were Lily’s first words. Sirius raged when he heard that name, “Of course it had to be one of the Black family. I really fucking hate them… I HATE THEM,” and he started pounding at the walls with his bare fists until Remus finally managed to drag him away. “Sirius please, its okay, Sirius… SIRIUS!” and Sirius stopped immediately. He tensed up terrified and Remus regretted everything. “Sirius- “he began but Sirius cut him off “No... no…” and he walked into their bedroom locking the door behind him.   
Remus panicked when Sirius locked the door and suddenly it was Remus pounding on the door begging Sirius to let him in. “Padfoot, please I’m sorry okay? Please let me in I didn’t mean to shout I just needed you to calm down. Please…” and Remus sat with his back to the door and sobbed. Sirius wasn’t one who got upset easily but Remus knew he had set something off in Sirius’ mind. A flashback to his family being the evil shits they were and always had been.   
Despite Sirius’ confident attitude and loving nature, he came from a broken home where he was treated inhumanly, but Sirius was strong, and he had overcome every obstacle his family had tried to put in his way. It was what Remus loved so much about him, he had made himself be kind, he had made himself be loving and by Merlin’s beard he had made himself be good. He had not had the best start in life with his family’s twisted value and broken morals, but Sirius had made himself become a new person when he went to Hogwarts and he did not allow other peoples judgement to define him. He broke all the expectations others had of him and that was what Remus had loved about him since they were 14. Sirius was a fighter.  
“Moony?” the soft voice said next to him, “Let me try?” and Lily stood in front of the door and said “Padfoot, let’s talk, shall we?” and the door immediately creaked open. Sirius looked at Lily with sadness in his eyes and they hugged, it was a long hug which Remus was certain Lily did to make Sirius understand he was not to blame. Deep inside, Lily was still there but it was going to take a while for her to come back completely. At least there was hope and that was enough right now.  
Sirius brought Lily into his bedroom and closed the door. Remus decided that he would give them some privacy now, he had Lily so he would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a very short chapter than usual but i wanted to leave it here because the next chapter is Lily's flashback chapter and its going to be a long one so be ready! Also thank you for all the love on this Book so far i was so nervous to post this but I'm really glad people are enjoying the concept. Next update very soon so I'll see you then !!


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
Lily and Sirius sat on the bed slowly. She took a deep breath and sighed, “I’m ready to tell you but only if your ready to listen,” she said softly but firmly. Sirius considered for a moment if he was ready to listen to what horrible things Lily might have endures at the hands of the Dark Lord himself and the people Sirius used to call family. He decided he would never be ready for this conversation, but it was better to listen while Lily had the strength to tell her story. “I’m ready Red, whatever you have to say about … them I’m ready.”  
“Okay,” she took a deep breath and began “When I woke up I was in a sort of underground basement but it had been made into a sort of holding cell, obviously bewitched with magic, and I could hear 2 men talking but I decided it was best I didn’t let them know I was awake yet. So, I just lay there and listened, it almost sounded like one of them didn’t really want to be there and they definitely didn’t want to keep me there. Anyway, they left and then your cou- Narcissa came and she was shaking me really roughly and told me that she could get me out, but we had to go right there and then-”  
But Sirius interrupted “She wanted to help you?” Lily nodded and continued, “I was just as shocked as you are, but she seemed so truthful and sincere, she said from one mother to another and that had me convinced. Then the door was open because Lucius was on duty, and Narcissa and I got into the corridor and walked down it trying not to be seen, but…” she took a deep breath while tears streamed down her cheeks, she continued despite her being emotional, “So as we were walking down the corridor… Wormtail came out of no where and grabbed my arm. I was elated because I didn’t know he’d betrayed us then, he had this strange grin on his face, almost malicious. He said that You Know who was expecting us and I was just confused really. He led us down this secret passage to a random door and on the other side of this door was none other than You Know Who himself.”  
She paused for a moment to compose herself before she spoke again, and Sirius could only admire this woman’s strength. “As we walked into this room, I was absolutely terrified and I could tell Narcissa was too, but she didn’t change her expression, she was completely emotionless. You Know Who… h-he was so awful Sirius I can’t even tell you honestly, I… I was so scared… H-he just stared at me for ages, I don’t even know how long it was. It felt like time stood still.” She took another deep breath, “When he finally spoke, I felt strangely calm, his voice didn’t sound like I’d expect the evilest man in the wizarding worlds voice to sound. He said that I’d been brought here so that I could help him with something. I asked him what it was, not because I’d ever work with him Sirius!” she’d noticed the look he was giving her.  
“It was because I was curious why he would choose me instead of one of you lot considering his whole thing is wanting muggleborns dead. H-he asked me to kill Peter and I was shocked. I know he betrayed us and all, but I knew James would never want him dead and neither did I, so I refused. But then… it was disgusting Sirius. I…” and she broke into tears, but Sirius was panicking now because it was different, she was really bawling, and it felt like she would break if someone so much as touched her. Sirius felt awful because never would someone as strong as Lily be this fragile but given the circumstances, he decided anyone would be the same.  
“Lily, I promise you your safe now okay? No one will get you here.” Lily jerked her head up and she looked angry, even angrier than when the-he had pulled the prank on Snape in 5th year, “Really? I was under the impression that I had been taken from here last time I must’ve been mistaken silly fucking me!” and Sirius just sat there and let her rant at him, scream at him, hit him, hurt him because after everything she had been through he felt like he deserved that much for letting it happen in the first place. But James heard and barged through the door along with Remus and Mary dragging her away shouting and screaming at the top of her lungs “Your fault , YOUR FAULT SIRIUS BLACK!” and she was dragged into the spare room and Sirius could hear Mary moving Harry to the living room.   
“Padfoot, she doesn’t mean it, she’s just confused and stressed out.” Sirius gave Remus a horrid look and said, “Sorry I don’t remember saying I wanted your advice, Lupin.” Remus looked straight at the floor visibly upset and began to walk out of the room. He stopped at the door and whispered, “Don’t worry I won’t give it anymore… Black.” He walked off and Sirius heard the front door slam. Shit why did I do that? He thought to himself. He got dressed as quick as he could and tried to go after Remus, but he’d disappeared, obviously hoping no one would catch him up.  
Sirius walked back into the flat defeated and Mary was at the door ready to hand him Harry. “Got to go Loverboy! Don’t go worrying yourself okay? He’ll be back, he always comes back.” She pecked him on the cheek and apparated away.  
Harry smiled appreciatively at his godfather and Sirius couldn’t help but smile back. Harry really was like sunshine; you couldn’t help but smile when he was around. He was so beautifully innocent, and Sirius knew that he would protect this child at any cost.  
Even if that meant his own life.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12   
Remus came back in one of his states and of course Sirius looked after him. He stunk of beer and another man’s aftershave which made Sirius angry, but he tried to keep his cool. “Moony come on let’s get you to bed,” he said as he slung Remus’ arm over his own shoulder. “You’re such a fucking dick P-padfoot” Remus managed to slur out. Sirius decided this was fair and he deserved that.  
He guided Remus towards the bedroom and sat him on their bed. “I-I’m sorry P-Padfoot I j-just needed to g-go,” Sirius sighed impatiently. He was furious that Moony had gone out, got drunk and fucked someone else but at the same time he and Remus weren’t official anymore, so he had no right to tell Remus how to live. “P-padfoot? W-why s-so quiet?” and Sirius sighed once again but this time his thoughts poured out of him, “I’m pissed off Remus Lupin that’s why.” Remus sat up straighter when Sirius used his full name. “W-why?” and Sirius snapped “Because I fucking miss you idiot!” and Remus looked up at him innocently and asked “So why are we not back together?” and Sirius replied sharply “ Because you wanted to break up and you wanted space so I let you have it. Then you decided to do things casually with me, and then came other people but I’m not like you Moony I only had eyes for you. That’s why, so go to sleep and we might be able to talk when your sober.”   
Sirius made for the door, but Remus pulled him back, “Padfoot, please lets not argue, just stay?” but Sirius brushed him off and said “If you still feel the same way in the morning then maybe we can have that conversation, Goodnight Lupin.”   
Lily had not stopped crying since she finished her conversation so abruptly with Sirius, through her own fault. “James, I need to say sorry. I need to say sorry” but James wouldn’t let her leave the room. “You need to rest Lily, when your feeling better we can sort things out, but for now rest okay?” she was a bit reluctant at first, but she was convinced enough that she went to sleep. James was angry, so fucking angry because Lily didn’t deserve this, not in a million years but it appeared they had all the bad luck in the world at the moment.  
How was he meant to help her recover when she couldn’t even tell him what happened? She needed James to be her support, Harry needed him to care for him, Sirius needed him to be his best mate, Remus needed him to just be there but he wasn’t sure he had enough strength to be there for everyone else when he couldn’t even understand it all himself. He was falling apart himself but who would be there for him? He didn’t have anyone else. This handful of people was everything he had left now, the only people in the world who would care if he was happy or sad, if he was hurting or not, if he lived or died. He was living solely for them, they needed him and he intended to be that person because that’s who James Potter was; A shoulder to cry on, a mate to have a laugh with, a husband who would be there for you through anything, and a father who cared so much about his son that he would die for him. He would die for any of them because the love he had for the family he had built was his reason to live, his reason to get up every morning and his reason to simply be.   
They needed him, and that was enough.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so sorry it's taken a while but here it is! Any feedback or suggestions are more than welcome!

Chapter 13:  
When Remus woke up the next morning, he regretted everything. He could smell the foreign aftershave on his body. However, a wave of relief washed over him when he realised, he was lay next to Sirius. He might have fucked up but at least he had come home, Sirius hadn’t been up all night worrying about him, that was possibly the only positive to come out of his night out.   
What the fuck was he thinking of? Of course, he and Sirius were no longer a couple so Sirius couldn’t exactly be mad at him, but he was angry with himself. How could he just leave Sirius in his time of need. His family had always been a trigger for him so why hadn’t Remus thought of this, stayed with him, helped him through it? He couldn’t bare to wait for Sirius to wake up and give him that awful, disappointed look he always did when something like this happened.   
He went and sat on the front doorstep and considered how he could possibly expect Sirius to be okay with all this. The truth of the matter was that Remus and Sirius were toxic. They’d fight, they’d fuck, they’d make up and then repeat every few months. Where would it end? When one of them actually decided to walk away? When one of them died? Remus had made his decision, it ended now. He would end it completely because neither of them needed this on top of everything else going on at the moment.   
He loved Sirius, and that’s why he had to let him go. Maybe one day when they’d grown a bit more, their lives had changed, when the war was over, they might find their way back. Until then this was the best for the both of them.   
Remus felt a presence behind him and knew who it was immediately. “ Pads.” “Morning Moony,” Sirius said rather chirpily, “Pads I need to talk to you.” Sirius perked up and sat closely next to Remus, “What’s up Lupin?” Remus took a deep breath but found he couldn’t exhale, oh shit. Oh fuck, oh shit. Sirius noticed the change in Remus’ behaviour and turned to face him “Moony? What’s up?” Remus couldn’t breath let alone talk so he just lay down and tried to calm himself down. “Moony, what’s wrong your scaring me? Oh, fuck your having a panic attack?” Remus attempted a nod “Okay, look at me” Sirius cupped Remus’ face with his hands “Look at me, you’re at my flat, we are safe, Lily and James are inside with Harry and everything is okay. I want you to breath with me okay. 1,2,1,2,1,2. That’s it Moony well done you’ve got it,” and Remus took a few minutes to compose himself before he dared to speak again.  
“Sorry… I don’t know why that happened.” Sirius just looked at Remus with pure calmness waiting for him to say something. Finally, Remus took a deep breath and began “Look, I want you to know that I haven’t come to this decision lightly and I hope you’ll forgive me if not now eventually… “ Sirius was confused to say the least “Spit it out Moony” Remus took another deep breath but this time it was to supress the tears forming in his eyes “I… Us… I can’t do it.” Sirius just stood silently for a moment taking in what Remus said and then he muttered “We’ve not been together for a while Moony what are you on about?” Remus sighed, Sirius wasn’t going to take this well at all, “Sirius, what I mean is that … I can’t do the casual stuff or anything anymore. Anything between us has to stop-” but Sirius quickly interrupted “Moony, come on is this a joke? I always told you that you had a bad sense of humour.” “Sirius…” but the rights words wouldn’t leave his mouth. “Very funny moony but let’s be honest, I would never fall for that crap it’s just pure- “this time it was Sirius being cut off by Remus “Sirius listen please. Anything between us is over, I’m sorry.” Sirius took a huge breath in and processed the information he had just been given. His face turned sour and Remus knew what was coming “Fine. Have it your way” and Sirius stopped back into the flat without another word.   
Well that went…. Badly!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully it won't be as long for the next chapter as its nearly done, until then ... BYE!


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